Okay! Having now seen the Sherlock Holmes movie (no spoilers from me, but it was funny watching it with tantric_slacker occupying brainspace) and returned home, I have two announcements:

1. I am trying my hand at Stephen Colbert. :DDDDD?

2. Since I did not Yuletide, I feel that I owe y'all some Christmas cheer! THEREFORE: Comment with two characters and some kind of seasonal prompt, and I'll write them at least a drabble.* You can specify shippage or no shippage, and while any winter holiday goes, I am most familiar with Christmas. I suggest mistletoe! Everyone loves seasonally enforced makeout sessions.

Have at. And to all a good night!


*Acceptable fandoms include but are not strictly limited to The Daily Show/Colbert Report, Supernatural, Marvel/DC mooooostly, Milliways or Mixed Muses, Wasteland, fairy tales, Pirates of the Caribbean, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, nouveau!Star Trek, some Glee, FFC!movie!Dracula, dudes I don't even know what fandoms I know. It can't hurt to ask!

After seeing New Moon and having several hilarious conversations about it, I was dared to write a story in which the friends of the girl dating a vampire stage an intervention. Therefore:

Vamptervention, Part One of Whatever (seeking better titles)

( At least it's not spampire. )

Anybody know any good resources for finding non-sketchy writing contests? Preferably plays, poetry, novels.

Because I can't go like a day anymore without posting something ...

I might post this around! Or I might just feel satisfied knowing that silveraspen and varadia can see it.

Title: I Don't Like Mondays
Characters: [spoiler], [spoiler] (maybe Dean/Castiel if you squint. A LOT)
Genre: Gen, Tragicrack?
Rating: Probably PG.
Words: 2404
Spoilers: Specifically for episodes 5.01 and 5.06.

( HERE THERE BE SPOILERCHARS. AND FRENCH FRIES. )

Ummm. So I have caught up on SPN, and I love it once more. I am now in the process of becoming gigglingly obsessed with Dean/Castiel and writing fic for underappreciated characters. (Youuuu'll see.)

This fic feels pretty worthless, but it's my first toe-dipping into the fandom proper, so you, my beloved flist, get to see it first.

Title: the word
Fandom: SPN
Pairing: Dean-Castiel, Castiel's Deancrush/Castiel's ridiculous angelic reticence
Rating: PG (language)
Spoilers: Season 5 through, like. I don't even know. The latest.
Notes: This message is brought to you by the gospels of John and Philip. Also be gentle. But let me know if it sucks. I love youuu.

( So spirit mingles with spirit, and thought consorts with thought, and light shares with light. If you are born a human being, it is the human being who will love you. If you become a spirit, it is the spirit which will be joined to you. )

Title: All the Sweet Green Icing (alternate titles include Are You Serious? and Someone Left the Cake Out in the Crane)
Fandom: Dark Knight (Nolanverse!Batman)
Spoilers: Yyyyes. Yes?
Pairing: Scarecrow/Joker
Rating: PG-13 for violence, sexual themes.
Words: 4093
Disclaimer: I'm just a fan with an overactive imagination and a love of pop culture references. But I especially don't own "Macarthur Park," Firefly, or Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth, to which this chapter owes much.
Notes: It is pretty reprehensible that I am finally posting the fifth chapter of this crazy little series a year after the first one, and it's still not the end. But this thing would never have been continued at all without bookelfe and areyoumymemmy, who are brilliant and wonderful. Also thank you THANK YOU people who read and nudged me about this. I promise you no matter how long it takes, I will conclude this fic.


( This was without a doubt the most disconcerting villain monologue Bruce had ever heard. )

For those of you who know me primarily as notabirdfan-mun, I want to provide a disclaimer:

I can write fic and yet mentally separate it from RP. I can. Please do not judge me. I already judge myself. Oh my God is it skeezy to write fic about people you RP? What if other ifc came first?? Augh???

That said, this crawled out of my head and demanded to be posted:

Title: How to Win Friends and Influence Ventilate People
Fandom: Dark Knight (Nolanverse!Batman)
Spoilers: Not really.
Pairing: Scarecrow/Joker
Rating: PG-13. I think.
Words: 495ish
Disclaimer: SEE ABOVE.
Notes: An Arkham Asylum meet-cute.


( College Board says: Good friendships often begin by sharing space with strangers. )



... Should I bother to link this around? The masses (two people) have spoken! Up she goes.

1) Recorded a podfic of this awesome John Constantine/Balthazar fanfic from the Constantine movie. (I can hear you snickering, tafadhali. BUT LOOK, SOMEONE WHO'S NOT ME HAS SEEN IT.)

2) Went to more observation/training for work. Not much to say there except I had to lead American Foxtrot for an hour and sent my standard partner the following text: They just played an hour of Foxtrot how am I going to live without you???

3) Got picked up by A to go dance some Lindy, met up with assorted dance friends and hung out. Got asked out to "we should get brunch sometime at this little place I know" by new coworker; said yes. (Nkgjfkljgk.) Proceeded to freak out.

4) On ride back home, had approximately this conversation with A (embellished for subtextual goodness):

"I really don't know why I did that."
"Hey, why not? He's a cutie."
"... You're so San Francisco."
"But seriously, Merc, why are you so upset about the prospect of going on a date with somebody else a month after you confessed your feelings for me?"
"YOU'RE AN IDIOT."


The wise adiva_calandia has advised that I go to brunch and have fun, which I plan on doing.

Also, I plan to find out his age. (If he's older than 27 I'll be really surprised, actually. Knock wood.)

Title: Bats in the Basement (alternate titles include Please Sir, I Want Some More ... Concussions)
Fandom: Dark Knight (Nolanverse!Batman)
Spoilers: Aye aye, captain.
Pairing: Scarecrow/Joker
Rating: Nothing above PG-13, I think.
Words: 2276
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I have no money. I'm just a fan with an overactive imagination and a love of pop culture references.
Notes: This is the second to last chapter, kids! This one's kiiiind of filler, but I swear the finale is CRAZY. For those of you just joining us, check out the first three chapters: You Had Me at Hello, See You In the Funny Papers, and Bedbugs and Boomboxes. Thanks to skitty_kat and mytsie for the great art and bookelfe for the read-through!

( In which Jonathan Crane chooses a bad time to go crazy and Batman fails to Get It. )

Last night, as it got too late and dark to copy out my handwritten notes for latest chapter of Batfic, I started writing up responses to prompts on the Batman Kink Meme.

Now, maybe I'm just paranoid, but I'm just kind of waiting for someone to reply to an anonydrabble with: "...... Hi Merc."

(For interested parties: I only wrote two, neither occurring before page 10. GUESSING GAMES ARE FUN. My lone non-anon drabble is Poison Ivy/Jolly Green Giant.

SHE COULD NOT RESIST HE WAS SO VERDANT.)

Anyhow, tonight I'm sneaking out to go dance. Rebellious Merc is rebellious! What are your weekend plans?

I know, I know, I have a fic to finish. I'M WORKING ON IT. But in the meantime ... Batfandom is not always such a bright and sunny place, is it? Don't we all deserve a break for reality TV shows, random slashy interludes, pot brownies, and general crackalicious self-indulgence?

If by "we all" we mean "me," the answer to that is a resounding yes.

Title: Extreme Penal System Makeover
Genre: Crack
Pairing(s): None so far except maybe one-sided Bruce/Gordon. Eventual Joker/Batman, Joker/Harley, Ivy/Harley, Ivy/everyone, Joker/Scarecrow, Batman/Scarecrow, Two-Face/Coin, Two-Face/someone else.
Rating: PG for this chapter, eventual R.
Word Count: I don't even know.
Summary: When Arkham Asylum loses its funding and is forced to shut down, Commissioner Gordon accepts an offer from a reality TV show in exchange for publicity and much-needed capital. With one Bat and five homicidal maniacs living under one roof, what could possibly go wrong?
Warnings: Crack (the literary kind). Eventual drug use. (The real crack.) Uh. I think that's it.


( We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you this special announcement. )

As a result of talking to bookelfe and procrastinating on the end (?) of that monstrosity of a fanfic that has eaten my soul:

Title: je te plumerai
Word Count: 800ish
Summary: Beauty and fear.
Warnings: Homosexual slurs. D:
Notes: So we were talking about how Cillian Murphy is eerily pretty and how that might have affected Crane's famously scarring childhood years. Then I was reading some interesting posts in professor_crane and this solidified. It's not really a fanfic so much as a character study (and even "study" might be pushing it). Based off of Nolanverse and backstory established in Batman/Scarecrow: Year One.

People who know French ... don't hurt me? I don't think I made any especially ridiculous or egregious errors.


( For as long as he could remember, Jonathan Crane had been *pretty.* )


HELP ME. WHY IS THERE AN AMORAL PSYCHIATRIST AND A HOMICIDAL CLOWN LIVING IN MY BRAIN. Discussion welcome: Apparently the most productive thing I can do these days is psychoanalyze fictional crazies.

Title: Bedbugs and Boomboxes (alternate titles include Quivering Clownflesh and COOL COOL MAKEUP)
Fandom: Dark Knight (Nolanverse!Batman)
Spoilers: Aye aye, captain.
Pairing: Scarecrow/Joker
Rating: R! I think. Uh. PARENTS KEEP YOUR CHILDREN AWAY FROM THIS FIC JUST IN CASE. (Rated for sexual situations and the ambiguous use of knives.)
Words: 3292
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I have no money. I'm just a fan with an overactive imagination and a love of pop culture references.
Notes: A continuation of You Had Me at Hello and See You In the Funny Papers, thoughtfully linked for your perusal! Thank you thank you rowanberries for the quickread before this went up. Thanks also to tafadhali for the fabulous icon displayed herein.

I also want it to be known that I actually did some firsthand research for some segments of this chapter. And I feel vaguely dirty. NO I WON'T TELL YOU WHAT THE RESEARCH ENTAILED. DON'T ASK ME QUESTIONS YOU DON'T WANT THE ANSWER TO.

(Special bonus goes to whoever can spot the Talladega Nights reference in this chapter.)


( Featuring Vicki Vale! Also there are some explosions and the Joker kills some people, WHAT ELSE IS NEW. )

Title: See You In the Funny Papers (alternate titles include Holy Villain-Sex, Batman! and Oh My God There's a Plot Now?)
Fandom: Dark Knight (Nolanverse!Batman)
Spoilers: Yes! Fairly major ones.
Pairing: Scarecrow/Joker
Rating: PG-13? Sort of?
Words: 2454ish
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I have no money. I'm just a fan with an overactive imagination and a love of pop culture references.
Notes: A continuation of "You Had Me at Hello." You will proooobably be a little bit confused if you don't read that first. Thanks go out to everyone who reviewed, as well as to tafadhali (as always) and skittycat for some kickass art of the first chapter.

( It was on the evening of the third day, in the hallway outside his latest motel room, that the Joker found him. )

Oh my God. I'm sitting here, rocking back and forth, keening softly, and wondering how in the name of God I wrote this monstrosity. Many thanks to tafadhali for reading and reassuring me that while I may be going to hell, I'm not (necessarily) a bad writer.

Title: You Had Me at Hello (alternate titles include Old-Fashioned Lover Boy and A Primer on the Misuse of Toxins in a Social Setting, by Dr. Jonathan Crane)
Fandom: Dark Knight (Nolanverse!Batman)
Spoilers: Yes! Fairly major ones.
Pairing: Scarecrow/Joker
Rating: NC-17 (for graphic sex and not-really-con)
Words: 2409
Notes: I blame certain individuals for the inclusion of certain lines and references. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

( HERE THERE BE DARK KNIGHT SPOILERS. AND BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN REFERENCES. AND PMS JOKES. WTF. Please don't read this if you suspect it might cause you to judge me. )

I am all abuzz with creativity, but find myself with nothing to write that I have any kind of attention span for! Therefore: Name two characters, ideally one of mine and one of yours, and I shall write you a drabble of ... some description! Possibly it will be pornish, but I make no guarantees. If you're at a loss, suggest a character and I'll tell you if I know the canon.

Also, feel free to give me a prompt! Prompts can be as vague as scrabble or as specific as someone bets for kittens.

Title: Talk the Talk
Characters: Barbossa, Ragetti
Rating: PG
Words: I have no idea.
Warnings: Spoilers for AWE.
Notes: Written for wemblee, with love. Sorry it's a bit short. Also love as always for bookelfe.


( In which Barbossa learns a valuable lesson about love ... or not. )

Stolen from bookelfe because hers are so awesome that I must strive to emulate her:


Name a pairing that I am familiar with, in a fandom I am familiar with, and I will write one line an amount for that pairing and fandom. The crazier the better, people.


And for reference, characters/fandoms I am familiar with include but are not strictly limited to Harry Potter, LotR, Sailor Moon, anything Milliways, many fairy tales, Revolutionary Girl Utena, Pirates of the Caribbean, Firefly, BtVS, moooost X-Men, Rocky Horror, Slings & Arrows, Oedipal cycle, Oresteia, Shakespeare, Scrubs, Daily Show, Colbert Report, most things Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. Am I missing anything? I bet.

Title: Conversations with Dead People
Pairing: Jack Sparrow/James Norrington, ish
Rating: PG
Words: 1345
Warnings: Spoilers for AWE.
Notes: Thanks to kemsada and especially adiva_calandia for their wonderfully helpful beta'ing. You guys roooock. Also, thanks to Joss Whedon.

( Sometimes at night, afloat in his small and worringly rickety dinghy, a man gets to feeling rather insignificant in the grand scheme of things. )