Title: All the Sweet Green Icing (alternate titles include Are You Serious? and Someone Left the Cake Out in the Crane)
Fandom: Dark Knight (Nolanverse!Batman)
Spoilers: Yyyyes. Yes?
Pairing: Scarecrow/Joker
Rating: PG-13 for violence, sexual themes.
Words: 4093
Disclaimer: I'm just a fan with an overactive imagination and a love of pop culture references. But I especially don't own "Macarthur Park," Firefly, or Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth, to which this chapter owes much.
Notes: It is pretty reprehensible that I am finally posting the fifth chapter of this crazy little series a year after the first one, and it's still not the end. But this thing would never have been continued at all without bookelfe and areyoumymemmy, who are brilliant and wonderful. Also thank you THANK YOU people who read and nudged me about this. I promise you no matter how long it takes, I will conclude this fic.


( This was without a doubt the most disconcerting villain monologue Bruce had ever heard. )

For those of you who know me primarily as notabirdfan-mun, I want to provide a disclaimer:

I can write fic and yet mentally separate it from RP. I can. Please do not judge me. I already judge myself. Oh my God is it skeezy to write fic about people you RP? What if other ifc came first?? Augh???

That said, this crawled out of my head and demanded to be posted:

Title: How to Win Friends and Influence Ventilate People
Fandom: Dark Knight (Nolanverse!Batman)
Spoilers: Not really.
Pairing: Scarecrow/Joker
Rating: PG-13. I think.
Words: 495ish
Disclaimer: SEE ABOVE.
Notes: An Arkham Asylum meet-cute.


( College Board says: Good friendships often begin by sharing space with strangers. )



... Should I bother to link this around? The masses (two people) have spoken! Up she goes.

Title: Bats in the Basement (alternate titles include Please Sir, I Want Some More ... Concussions)
Fandom: Dark Knight (Nolanverse!Batman)
Spoilers: Aye aye, captain.
Pairing: Scarecrow/Joker
Rating: Nothing above PG-13, I think.
Words: 2276
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I have no money. I'm just a fan with an overactive imagination and a love of pop culture references.
Notes: This is the second to last chapter, kids! This one's kiiiind of filler, but I swear the finale is CRAZY. For those of you just joining us, check out the first three chapters: You Had Me at Hello, See You In the Funny Papers, and Bedbugs and Boomboxes. Thanks to skitty_kat and mytsie for the great art and bookelfe for the read-through!

( In which Jonathan Crane chooses a bad time to go crazy and Batman fails to Get It. )

As a result of talking to bookelfe and procrastinating on the end (?) of that monstrosity of a fanfic that has eaten my soul:

Title: je te plumerai
Word Count: 800ish
Summary: Beauty and fear.
Warnings: Homosexual slurs. D:
Notes: So we were talking about how Cillian Murphy is eerily pretty and how that might have affected Crane's famously scarring childhood years. Then I was reading some interesting posts in professor_crane and this solidified. It's not really a fanfic so much as a character study (and even "study" might be pushing it). Based off of Nolanverse and backstory established in Batman/Scarecrow: Year One.

People who know French ... don't hurt me? I don't think I made any especially ridiculous or egregious errors.


( For as long as he could remember, Jonathan Crane had been *pretty.* )


HELP ME. WHY IS THERE AN AMORAL PSYCHIATRIST AND A HOMICIDAL CLOWN LIVING IN MY BRAIN. Discussion welcome: Apparently the most productive thing I can do these days is psychoanalyze fictional crazies.

Title: Bedbugs and Boomboxes (alternate titles include Quivering Clownflesh and COOL COOL MAKEUP)
Fandom: Dark Knight (Nolanverse!Batman)
Spoilers: Aye aye, captain.
Pairing: Scarecrow/Joker
Rating: R! I think. Uh. PARENTS KEEP YOUR CHILDREN AWAY FROM THIS FIC JUST IN CASE. (Rated for sexual situations and the ambiguous use of knives.)
Words: 3292
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I have no money. I'm just a fan with an overactive imagination and a love of pop culture references.
Notes: A continuation of You Had Me at Hello and See You In the Funny Papers, thoughtfully linked for your perusal! Thank you thank you rowanberries for the quickread before this went up. Thanks also to tafadhali for the fabulous icon displayed herein.

I also want it to be known that I actually did some firsthand research for some segments of this chapter. And I feel vaguely dirty. NO I WON'T TELL YOU WHAT THE RESEARCH ENTAILED. DON'T ASK ME QUESTIONS YOU DON'T WANT THE ANSWER TO.

(Special bonus goes to whoever can spot the Talladega Nights reference in this chapter.)


( Featuring Vicki Vale! Also there are some explosions and the Joker kills some people, WHAT ELSE IS NEW. )

Title: See You In the Funny Papers (alternate titles include Holy Villain-Sex, Batman! and Oh My God There's a Plot Now?)
Fandom: Dark Knight (Nolanverse!Batman)
Spoilers: Yes! Fairly major ones.
Pairing: Scarecrow/Joker
Rating: PG-13? Sort of?
Words: 2454ish
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I have no money. I'm just a fan with an overactive imagination and a love of pop culture references.
Notes: A continuation of "You Had Me at Hello." You will proooobably be a little bit confused if you don't read that first. Thanks go out to everyone who reviewed, as well as to tafadhali (as always) and skittycat for some kickass art of the first chapter.

( It was on the evening of the third day, in the hallway outside his latest motel room, that the Joker found him. )

Oh my God. I'm sitting here, rocking back and forth, keening softly, and wondering how in the name of God I wrote this monstrosity. Many thanks to tafadhali for reading and reassuring me that while I may be going to hell, I'm not (necessarily) a bad writer.

Title: You Had Me at Hello (alternate titles include Old-Fashioned Lover Boy and A Primer on the Misuse of Toxins in a Social Setting, by Dr. Jonathan Crane)
Fandom: Dark Knight (Nolanverse!Batman)
Spoilers: Yes! Fairly major ones.
Pairing: Scarecrow/Joker
Rating: NC-17 (for graphic sex and not-really-con)
Words: 2409
Notes: I blame certain individuals for the inclusion of certain lines and references. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

( HERE THERE BE DARK KNIGHT SPOILERS. AND BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN REFERENCES. AND PMS JOKES. WTF. Please don't read this if you suspect it might cause you to judge me. )